my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Come on in and take your pants off
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
