and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
