Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
