Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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