We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
