I should be sponsored by Trojan
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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