apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
