my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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