i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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