My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
