my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
then he tried to convert me to islam
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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