neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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