We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so let's talk penis.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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