Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
