Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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