Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
