i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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