you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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