You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
