What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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