I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
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