there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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