If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
