Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
birth control should be required to get into college
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
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The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
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When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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