Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
