I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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