He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize