i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
