I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
