A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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