My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
