Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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