That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
