I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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