One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
