Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
