Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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