the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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