1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
