I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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