My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
