sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
