so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
