Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The feeling are messing with the penis
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
