Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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