It was confusing and full of hummus
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
