Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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