There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
