chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
