oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
