i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
