My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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