i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
