Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
