My brain says no but my pants say off.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize