Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
