Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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