last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
