I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
