i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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