Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
worst night to have a conscience
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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