please come you make the beer taste better
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
