I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
