ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
